Did you know you can change your inner narrative? That you don’t have to believe everything you think?
Yes, we all have an inner narrative running in our heads. And it’s pretty tempting to sit back and listen to your mind’s voice as it spins its stories, attempting to make sense of your day-to-day life. It can even be entertaining. Until it’s not.
And soon your perception – for better or worse – becomes your reality. While you can’t eliminate that inner narrative, you can train yourself to steer toward healthier thought patterns.
What Exactly Is an Inner Narrative?
Your inner narrative is the story you tell yourself. The story elements consist of your restructured past, your perceived present, and your imagined future. All of these elements are fabricated. And your inner story doesn’t exist in the only real time frame – the present moment. In fact, it will do its best to pull you out of it. At all costs.
One of the biggest places your inner narrative plays out is in your relationships with others. It will have you believing you know what other people are thinking about you. That if, for example, one of your coworkers doesn’t greet you as s/he always has each morning, it’s because they don’t like you. That you said or did something wrong. That you are a social misfit.
And if you allow yourself the luxury of scurrying too far down this rabbit hole, you’ll end up believing you’re deeply flawed. Then you start ‘shoulding all over yourself.’ “I should’ve have given him/her more space. I should stop believing people like me. I should just give up on making solid connections.”
This deep and swirling line of thought is a trap. And it’s remarkably easy to get swallowed in it. You may walk around feeling vaguely like a crumbled piece of refuse and not even realize it until you approach your coworker again and s/he smiles at you and tells you how tired s/he was that morning.
All of that getting down on yourself for naught. But here’s the good news.
You Can Change Your Inner Narrative
It’s true. But before we launch into the how of doing this, you should know that it does take some work. You should also know that your brain LOVES familiarity. Even if what is familiar is discomfort or even downright misery. Its default setting is to buck change and anything that requires too much effort. Thus, there’s a good chance it will resist.
Don’t get too down on your brain. It’s just doing what comes naturally. It’s grown comfortable with the familiar. Even if it’s no longer serving you. This is why making any sort of change is so challenging. For this reason, when you decide you want to change your inner narrative, you must be prepared to take 100% accountability for your life. And that might sound pretty scary!
It’s about baby steps though. And moving into this journey with the realistic expectation that this will take some time. So if you’re ready, let’s begin.
1. Start with Self-Reflection
The first thing to do as you set out to change your inner narrative is reflect on your current story. What is the story you’re now telling yourself? What is it based on and when did it start? Does it accurately reflect your reality? Chances are it doesn’t.
So then reflect on how you’d like your story to be. What actions can you take to start writing THAT story instead? Be completely honest with yourself. And don’t be afraid to talk to trusted friends, family members, or mentors who will give you encouraging and honest feedback.
2. Observe the Stories You Tell Yourself
As you more deeply observe the stories you tell yourself, home in on one current situation, person, or version of yourself that makes you feel miserable and is keeping you from leading a more meaningful life.
Now you’ll take pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard, as it were. You’re going to edit the story. This starts by writing down the people in your life who are helping you to uphold this story. They’re the people who (perhaps even well-meaningly) reinforce how “unfair” it is. And they are the ones you need to avoid conveying this part of your narrative to as you work to edit and rewrite it.
Another helpful step is to get out of the first-person as you narrate. Can you write the story from another’s perspective? This isn’t an attempt to predict what anybody else is thinking. Rather, it provides you with a different perspective and opens up multiple possibilities besides the one your brain calls home.
If you can spend a few minutes each day examining one story, writing a more empowered version of it, and reading it aloud, the brain will eventually replace the old narrative with the new one. But you’ll have to be patient because it can be a slow and tedious process.
Finally, as you start to uncover the story you want to tell yourself, bring action to your thoughts and words. So much of your current narrative is defined by who you were in the past. And that’s not a bad thing, necessarily. You just may have outgrown it.
3. Start Living Your Authentic Self
Now it’s time to show up as the person you want to be in the future. So, for instance, if you want to be more outgoing, begin by talking to one new person. If you want to be someone who wears zany hats, start with buying one. These are the baby steps toward bigger strides.
The key to lasting change in your inner narrative is consistently and practice. By forming new habits today, you can carry them into tomorrow. And beyond.
Change Your Inner Narrative to Change Your Life
You have the power to change your inner narrative by creating a new one that’s a better first.
As you set out to do so, just remember that your past doesn’t define you. Nor is your future predetermined. You get to be the author.
And if you’re interested in having some support along the way, contact us today to find out more about our in-person and online life coaching services. You write the story, we gently hold you accountable.
