Grief and change have a complicated relationship. To say the least. But isn’t change good, as they say?
Well, any change, even those that are expected, exciting, and new, still signifies the loss of something.
So yes, when change is good and expected, the loss created may be minimal. When a change is big and/or unexpected though, the loss from the change can cause tremendous grief.
The Interplay of Grief and Change
You already know that change is hard. It disturbs your life, your plan, and your routine. This is true even in the best scenarios such as a marriage, a new job, or a baby.
When the change involves saying goodbye to a loved one, unexpectedly losing a job, or being unwillingly uprooted from your current location, however, it’s a decidedly harder situation. Too big of a change all at once can completely turn your life upside-down. And the search for hope or the belief that things will never be the same again further complicates matters.
You start to experience changes in sleep, appetite, and overall energy. You feel irritable and impatient. Other people’s problems seem inconsequential and you may be inclined to isolate yourself and feel like an outcast. You might notice difficulty with focusing and concentrating while feeling more anxious and fearful about your future. You may even be bracing for the next life-altering change.
We’re not gonna sugarcoat it. It sucks. But here’s the thing. As much as change creates grief, so too does grief foster change. THIS can be a really positive thing – the aforementioned change for the better. It’s definitely a process though. And it doesn’t happen overnight.
The Importance of Self-Care, Patience, and Time
If you’ve recently experienced loss and are in a state of reeling, it can be difficult to think that you’ll ever get back to normal. The reality is, your normal has changed. You won’t get back to who you were because your loss has molded and shaped you in new ways. That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel happy and at ease again.
Beneath the grieving, the fundamental parts of yourself await. Your core values cannot be extinguished. With self-care, patience, and time, you will begin to feel the veil lift and slowly move back into the world of the living.
One of the methods that skilled life coaches utilize for those who are grieving loss is to help them see that this deep state of sadness is ‘for now.’ It’s transitory and fleeting and by no means permanent. It’s also perfectly normal (and fine) to miss your old life and who you were before the loss. It’s all a part of the process.
The trick here is to avoid comparing yourself negatively to the ‘old’ you. Especially given that in your state of grief, you have likely idealized the old version of you – which makes it harder to embrace challenges that come with this ‘new’ you. You need those challenges to help you grow and change.
The Difficulty In Seeing Your Own Growth and Change
As we said above, big changes that produce a tremendous sense of loss and grief can shake you to the core. In the throes of immense grief, you may be feeling that you don’t know who you are anymore. Once you embark on the journey it takes to figure out what’s next, it may feel as though you not making any progress.
We assure you that you are.
Consider this. You have not moved through your life completely fixed. It only seems that way. But you’ve always been evolving – both physically and emotionally. We all have. The changes are subtle though. And since you alone occupy your flesh castle 24 hours per day, you don’t notice these subtle changes. You’ve adapted and adjusted over time to accommodate them.
You’re doing the same thing as you move through your grief. The grief that comes from change tears you apart and you’ll find that putting the pieces back together again doesn’t always work. The identity you constructed is no longer valid. And you’re tasked now with rediscovering yourself.
It sounds grueling because it is. It’s also really beautiful.
Moving Out of the Darkness
No matter what change brought about the grief you’re currently experiencing, remember first and foremost that you will get through it.
As you do, you’ll recognize opportunities to feel closer to others. You may forge new friendships with others who understand your struggle because they’ve been through something similar.
The small and petty things will no longer have the weight they once did as you reevaluate what’s important to you and what really matters. You’ll likely become more compassionate and understanding to those around you.
Ultimately, you’re given the chance now to rebuild from the ground up and fix some things along the way and you may just surprise yourself with your strength, independence, and resiliency.
Coming to Your True Self
Grief and change can be catalysts for finding and living a more authentic life. Even if they’re unintentional.
The journey of embracing change and moving out of grief requires major doses of courage and vulnerability though.
You don’t have to do it alone. Contact us today to set up an appointment with one of our experienced life coaches who can help guide you through this life-changing transition. We’re with you.
