You may not be aware of what feedback loops are. But you can be sure that you experience them.
So here’s the thing. As great as it would be to feel happy whenever you want, tap into motivation when your energy is low, or find total calmness amid anxiety, you cannot.
We all allow our feelings to dictate how we think and act. When this happens, we give up control and we’re trapped in the emotion-thought-action feedback loop.
Our Feelings DO Affect Our Thoughts
We all have days when we wake up in a great mood and everything seems to fall into place. You’re feeling good and, as a result, everything seems to go more easily. The world is brighter. You seem to have an inherent understanding of what is good for you.
THEN, there are the days you wake up in a bad mood. Everything seems dark and ugly, and trudging through the day is a struggle. In this state, it’s very difficult to know what’s best for you. You’re more inclined to do things that give you temporary relief but aren’t great in the long run.
The bad mood days have become more challenging over the past several decades with the advent of social media. Thirty years ago, we’d notice a bad mood and get on with our day. But these days, social media is loaded with hundreds of images of people (seemingly, at least) living the best possible life. How come they’re all happy and doing it right when you’re so miserable? You’re stuck feeling like there’s something terribly wrong with you. You feel bad for feeling bad.
And now you’re stuck in the worst kind of feedback loop.
So What Are Feedback Loops?
Wondering how the feedback loop works? There are five basic steps that occur:
First, your state of mind influences the types of thoughts you have. So if you’re stressed, you may be worrying.
Second, those worrisome thoughts make you feel anxious. This, in turn and ironically, raises your stress level.
Third, because you’re in this stressed and anxious state, you’re compelled to focus disproportionately on everything that’s going wrong in your life. This, again, increases your stress level.
Fourth, you’re focusing on all the things that aren’t working in your life. You judge all of your experiences as problematic and difficult. You’re unable to see what’s actually going well in your life.
Finally, these judgments reinforce how you feel and think. You continue to feel anxious and stressed and interpret everything from a negative perspective. You’re stuck in the loop.
The Trap of the Loop
In reality, it’s not your experiences that determine how you feel. It’s how you think about these experiences. And it’s these thinking patterns that lock in you into the feedback loop illustrated above. In order to escape the loop, there are two main things you need to do.
One way is to change your thinking. But it’s very difficult. And it’s a long game. Most of our thoughts arise automatically. They’re plagued by blind spots and biases, and changing them isn’t about saying, “I’ll just think positive from now on.” You’re kidding yourself. Working on your thinking is the stuff of mindfulness practices and cognitive therapy. And it’s VERY worthwhile work.
While you begin that work, there is another thing you can add though. It’s easier and can ultimately help you start changing your thinking too.
Change Your Behavior
Just like thoughts, we have automatic behaviors in the form of instincts and habits. Yet, both of these can be tempered or changed much more easily (and faster) than thoughts. And in a weird reversal, changing our actions allows our thoughts and feelings to naturally fall into alignment with them. In other words, mood follows action.
For example, you know that taking a walk would turn your day around but perhaps you feel unmotivated to do so. You start to do everything in your power to avoid it. You watch another half hour of TV. Snack on some chips. Sprawl out on the couch. Then you start feeling a heaviness that locks you down even harder. You accuse yourself of being lazy and useless. And now there seems no point in taking a walk.
Change the scenario though. You already know that taking a walk will help you feel better. Furthermore, you know that the excuses to buy you more time often take you down. With this knowledge, you launch a sneak attack. Grab your ear pods and just head out there and start walking. It won’t take long before you’re in the groove – taking in the sights and sounds and fresh air. You’ve risen above the inertia to create positive momentum. When you return, there’s no sense of laziness or uselessness. And all you had to do was take that first step.
Yeah, it’s not always as easy as it sounds. But it’s not as difficult as you might think either. If you need help developing good habits, you can always enlist the services of a skilled life coach to whom you can be accountable. And soon enough, you’ll be amazed by your new way of behaving and thinking.
Are You Feeling Stuck?
Taking positive action is crucial to freeing yourself from the feedback loops that control your life. And try to remember that your behavior is controllable in a way that your feelings aren’t.
You don’t have to do it alone.
Contact us today to find out about the virtual and on-site mindfulness practices and coaching services we offer. And free yourself from the feedback loop trap!
